IM BACK! i been MIA for a min, sorry bout that. SO much going on. I was lost with in myself, in my head, in my sould, body and heart. I got drunken alone at home, now that is bad seeing as how i used to be an alcoholic. Seriously.
I used to drink everyday aLL day. I had an ex who got me into drinking, A LOT! i mean, i used to drink but not as much as i did when i was with her. Then we broke up and weLL, i kept drinking. I never really knew i was an alcoholic, not even when i was making beer runs to the store. Watching TV in my room as i popped open CORONA after corona, all whiLe my parents, brother in sister were onLy rooms away.
I realized how bad it was when i was driving home drunk (one of many nights) and woke up in my clothes the next day with my shirt half off, in my jeans, and only one shoe on. But, yes but, perhaps that's not the worst. One of my many drunken nights i woke up in front of a cLub in my car and my friend in the passenger seat! YUP! True Story!! nasty, i know.
The icing on the cake however, and the number one reason was my DUI. i got it back in 2006 a week right before my bday, so right around this time since my bday is 2/16. I was 4am and i was on my way home from dropping off my friend at home. He insisted i chiLL with him for a min b4 i left. But i was soo tired i just wanted to get home. He asked me again if i was ok and i just said ya, im koo. And so i left, i hopped onto the 710 and was on my merry way. Next thing i know i see blue and red lights in my rear view mirror. At that point i thought "fcuk!" From there it was aLL down hiLL. I was arrested, and my aLcohoL LeveL was .18, doubLe the Limit. I was taken over to county n spent 22 hours there! it was NOT PRETTY!
When aLL the mess was over i had a $1200 fine, AA cLAsses as weLL as a restricted Lic. But in the end, i learned my lesson, sadLy this had to happen. My advice to you ALL is aLways have a designated driver or take a cab. We think "it wont happen to me" i know i always thought, but the reality of it is IT CAN n IT WILL! i know That was the most awful experience i have ever came across. I am so greatful n blessed that i was not hurt and that i did not hurt anyone.
Thanks for "listening" untiL our next visit. Bye for now.
ps - dont forget cLub CAUTION on Feb. 20th ceLebrating my bday. Visit www.myspace.com/cLub_CAUTION for aLL info.
<3,
sLax
Monday, February 8, 2010
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Coming Out...
I've always known i was a Lesbian. I always found myseLf attracted to women, i just didnt know why or how it was possible. I wanted to know why i was feeling the way i was. I wasn't supposed to feel this way, i was supposed to be attracted to guys! I was raised by my grandma and aunts and was told numerous times what was written in the bible and so on.
When we would go out and see a gay/lesbian couple comments were always made. Whispers wo each other "mira no mas" translation: look at that. I would turn and look thinking it was something interesting like a big dog or a fat cat. LoL. But when i realized what they [meaning my grandma and aunts] were looking at i could only put my head down in shame.
As time passed my feelings became stronger. But somehow i always managed to suppress my feeling. I actually got good at it, ask all my x gf's. LoL, that is a whole new blog. I dated guys up until my sophomore year in high school. Then i knew that i was done PRETENDING to be someone i was not. Junior year, i started dating my first gf, she was amazing. We played basketball together, so we were always together! We were the first, well i would say second to come out in H.S right behind our 2 other friends. Nonetheless, we thought "fuk it" our true friends will accept us and love us regardless and those who wont oh well. We came out to all our friends, most of them responded with "we knew it" some were confused as to why and some just didn't say much. Despite everyones comments we maintained all are true friends and soon enough the whole school knew. We were happy, and then all fuking hell broke loose...
MY family found out. Oh, btw [by the way] we had already purchased our tix, our dresses [as seen above] and everything. ok so, turns our one of my cousins came over to my house one day n decided to go snooping around in my room. She was told to do so by my mom,u see my mom is sneaky, she did it so that uf i ever found out she could blame it on her. Uh huh, same shit! Anywho, so they searched my room and found sum letters n notes from my gf. they read them aLL, n might i add that sum of these notes were not aLL innocent! teeheeee ;) well, as we all know famiLy talks shit just as much as the next person so,word got around to my whole family. That wasn't the worse.
Days before the prom i receive a call from one of my aunts. She said get up and change i'm on my way to pick you up. I thought ok, koo we are probably gonna go eat or something. FUK NO. Minutes later she picks me up and to my surprise there was someone else with her in the car. My other aunt. My first thought. Holy shit, they know. Ok got in the car, we drove around the corner, she parked and this was the conversation that followed.
"Mija, do u know why we are here? why we came to talk to u?"
"Um, no. Why?"
Aunt #2 - "Well, wehear somethings and we know it's all true so don't even try to deny it."
"Ok, so if u guys heard what u heard, and u know it's true, as u claim, then y are we here?"
"Because it's wrong, because this isn't u, because u r better than that, u are our neice and we want what's best for u"
Aunt #2 - "Yes, we do, and we want you to be happy. U r beautiful u can be with any guy u want and be happy"
I giggled and shook my head. I couldn't believe this shit. It upset them. LoL.
"well, i am happy. Regardless of who or what im with. Isn't my happiness more important?"
"WHAT? NO! Our family is not ready for this? What would our friends say about us? U want to humilate us and the whole family? Is that what u want?"
Aunt #2 - "Well, is that what u want? This is not happening, and so u know u are not going to prom!" Its been cancelled, consider YOurself being at home all night!"
"WHAT? no, i already have..." i was interrupted before i could finish my sentence.
"You are a totally disgrace to this family"
I couldn't believe what i had just heard. "What? Oh i am, ok then, well this disgrace is leaving. Thanks for a LoveLy chat" U liked my sarcasm huh? Yeah well, inside i was falling apart.
They tried to come after me but i just kept walking and said "NO"
When we would go out and see a gay/lesbian couple comments were always made. Whispers wo each other "mira no mas" translation: look at that. I would turn and look thinking it was something interesting like a big dog or a fat cat. LoL. But when i realized what they [meaning my grandma and aunts] were looking at i could only put my head down in shame.
As time passed my feelings became stronger. But somehow i always managed to suppress my feeling. I actually got good at it, ask all my x gf's. LoL, that is a whole new blog. I dated guys up until my sophomore year in high school. Then i knew that i was done PRETENDING to be someone i was not. Junior year, i started dating my first gf, she was amazing. We played basketball together, so we were always together! We were the first, well i would say second to come out in H.S right behind our 2 other friends. Nonetheless, we thought "fuk it" our true friends will accept us and love us regardless and those who wont oh well. We came out to all our friends, most of them responded with "we knew it" some were confused as to why and some just didn't say much. Despite everyones comments we maintained all are true friends and soon enough the whole school knew. We were happy, and then all fuking hell broke loose...
^^this is me senior year [01] ready for prom^^
Our senior year was the worst. Somehow her family was being informed about "our doings" at school and at AWAY games [meaning games that were played at other campuses] We immediately thought it was her cousins since they went to school with us and were always around us. It was horrible. She was prohibited from talking to me, paging me [i know right] seeing me, going out [unless she was supervised] just basically any kind of contact! The only way we saw each was at school and even then we didn't really talk or hang out because we were being watched. Sucks i know. And so when i thought things couldnt get worse they sure fuking did!MY family found out. Oh, btw [by the way] we had already purchased our tix, our dresses [as seen above] and everything. ok so, turns our one of my cousins came over to my house one day n decided to go snooping around in my room. She was told to do so by my mom,u see my mom is sneaky, she did it so that uf i ever found out she could blame it on her. Uh huh, same shit! Anywho, so they searched my room and found sum letters n notes from my gf. they read them aLL, n might i add that sum of these notes were not aLL innocent! teeheeee ;) well, as we all know famiLy talks shit just as much as the next person so,word got around to my whole family. That wasn't the worse.
Days before the prom i receive a call from one of my aunts. She said get up and change i'm on my way to pick you up. I thought ok, koo we are probably gonna go eat or something. FUK NO. Minutes later she picks me up and to my surprise there was someone else with her in the car. My other aunt. My first thought. Holy shit, they know. Ok got in the car, we drove around the corner, she parked and this was the conversation that followed.
"Mija, do u know why we are here? why we came to talk to u?"
"Um, no. Why?"
Aunt #2 - "Well, wehear somethings and we know it's all true so don't even try to deny it."
"Ok, so if u guys heard what u heard, and u know it's true, as u claim, then y are we here?"
"Because it's wrong, because this isn't u, because u r better than that, u are our neice and we want what's best for u"
Aunt #2 - "Yes, we do, and we want you to be happy. U r beautiful u can be with any guy u want and be happy"
I giggled and shook my head. I couldn't believe this shit. It upset them. LoL.
"well, i am happy. Regardless of who or what im with. Isn't my happiness more important?"
"WHAT? NO! Our family is not ready for this? What would our friends say about us? U want to humilate us and the whole family? Is that what u want?"
Aunt #2 - "Well, is that what u want? This is not happening, and so u know u are not going to prom!" Its been cancelled, consider YOurself being at home all night!"
"WHAT? no, i already have..." i was interrupted before i could finish my sentence.
"You are a totally disgrace to this family"
I couldn't believe what i had just heard. "What? Oh i am, ok then, well this disgrace is leaving. Thanks for a LoveLy chat" U liked my sarcasm huh? Yeah well, inside i was falling apart.
They tried to come after me but i just kept walking and said "NO"
I was ordered back in the car, ok fine, i got in. But, i didnt say a word and neither did they. I knew my aunt felt bad, i think they both did.
They stopped in front of my house, my dog barking and wagging his tail because he was happy to see me, too bad i wasn't.
"Bye mija, we'll..."
The slamming of the car door interrupted my aunts sentence. I didn't look back, i just walked into my house, went straight to my room, put my KORN CD on and thought, this is some bullshit, followed by tears. Eventually i fell asleep.
Things worked out ok, we went to prom afterall, we had a blast and we were together for 6 years! We are still friends til this day.
Stand By for my next blog,who knows what the fuk it will be about! Hope u enjoyed my story.
Bye for now.
<3,
sLax
Monday, December 14, 2009
INTRO
This would be my first entry. Hi, its me sLax, weLL this is what my friends caLL me, so u can caLL me sLax too. I'm here writing because my friend Vix inspired me to blog. She has one too, check hers out here http://lez-b-honest.blogspot.com/?spref=tw i had always wanted to blog but i never really did. I do Like to write, ive been published before, nothing huge just some poetry.
I am 26 year oLd Lesbian [oh no i said Lesbian, haha] bout turn 27 on Feb. 16th, WOW! VEGAS!!!! LoL. No really. This makes me an aquarius, woo hoo. I was born in LA, GarfieLd Medical Center if im correct. Don't know what time. I Live with my gf and our roommate who is a guy, sorry boys he's actually str8! I am an only child but i do have 6 other siblings, i'm the oldest. My parents divorced when i was 3, i think. I never saw my mom after that again. My mom was an addict and an alcoholic, so i was told. I guess my dad decided that wasn't the life for me, so he took me away and it was just us. He worked all the time so he would drop meoff with my grandma at my aunts house. My grandma practically raised me. I grew up with all my boy cousins. It was the best!
My dad eventually re-married and had 2 children, a boy and a girl. I was happy, i was 8 when my brother was born and 2 years later my little sister was born! I finally had someone to boss around and hang out with! Ill blog bout them more as time goes on.
My Step Mom and i never really got along, i always thought she just used my dad to come over to the US but i cant prove that yet. LoL. It was tough growing up with her, we always fought and i always talked shit. I was mean, really mean. Oh well,shes still around so i guess i didn't do a good job huh? Now we get along good. I'm older and i have come to realize that she was part of my life for many years, despite our fights and struggles i knw shes a good person and has taken care of my dad. For that i'm greatful.
Ok, so for the most part that's a preview of my life. Any questions? Don't worry there is more to come, lots more. The Lesbian Life is quite an adventure right Vix? =]
bye for now!
<3,
sLax
I am 26 year oLd Lesbian [oh no i said Lesbian, haha] bout turn 27 on Feb. 16th, WOW! VEGAS!!!! LoL. No really. This makes me an aquarius, woo hoo. I was born in LA, GarfieLd Medical Center if im correct. Don't know what time. I Live with my gf and our roommate who is a guy, sorry boys he's actually str8! I am an only child but i do have 6 other siblings, i'm the oldest. My parents divorced when i was 3, i think. I never saw my mom after that again. My mom was an addict and an alcoholic, so i was told. I guess my dad decided that wasn't the life for me, so he took me away and it was just us. He worked all the time so he would drop meoff with my grandma at my aunts house. My grandma practically raised me. I grew up with all my boy cousins. It was the best!
My dad eventually re-married and had 2 children, a boy and a girl. I was happy, i was 8 when my brother was born and 2 years later my little sister was born! I finally had someone to boss around and hang out with! Ill blog bout them more as time goes on.
My Step Mom and i never really got along, i always thought she just used my dad to come over to the US but i cant prove that yet. LoL. It was tough growing up with her, we always fought and i always talked shit. I was mean, really mean. Oh well,shes still around so i guess i didn't do a good job huh? Now we get along good. I'm older and i have come to realize that she was part of my life for many years, despite our fights and struggles i knw shes a good person and has taken care of my dad. For that i'm greatful.
Ok, so for the most part that's a preview of my life. Any questions? Don't worry there is more to come, lots more. The Lesbian Life is quite an adventure right Vix? =]
bye for now!
<3,
sLax
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