Coming Out...

I've always known i was a Lesbian. I always found myseLf attracted to women, i just didnt know why or how it was possible. I wanted to know why i was feeling the way i was. I wasn't supposed to feel this way, i was supposed to be attracted to guys! I was raised by my grandma and aunts and was told numerous times what was written in the bible and so on.



When we would go out and see a gay/lesbian couple comments were always made. Whispers wo each other "mira no mas" translation: look at that. I would turn and look thinking it was something interesting like a big dog or a fat cat. LoL. But when i realized what they [meaning my grandma and aunts] were looking at i could only put my head down in shame.



As time passed my feelings became stronger. But somehow i always managed to suppress my feeling. I actually got good at it, ask all my x gf's. LoL, that is a whole new blog. I dated guys up until my sophomore year in high school. Then i knew that i was done PRETENDING to be someone i was not. Junior year, i started dating my first gf, she was amazing. We played basketball together, so we were always together! We were the first, well i would say second to come out in H.S right behind our 2 other friends. Nonetheless, we thought "fuk it" our true friends will accept us and love us regardless and those who wont oh well. We came out to all our friends, most of them responded with "we knew it" some were confused as to why and some just didn't say much. Despite everyones comments we maintained all are true friends and soon enough the whole school knew. We were happy, and then all fuking hell broke loose...

^^this is me senior year [01] ready for prom^^

Our senior year was the worst. Somehow her family was being informed about "our doings" at school and at AWAY games [meaning games that were played at other campuses] We immediately thought it was her cousins since they went to school with us and were always around us. It was horrible. She was prohibited from talking to me, paging me [i know right] seeing me, going out [unless she was supervised] just basically any kind of contact! The only way we saw each was at school and even then we didn't really talk or hang out because we were being watched. Sucks i know. And so when i thought things couldnt get worse they sure fuking did!

MY family found out. Oh, btw [by the way] we had already purchased our tix, our dresses [as seen above] and everything. ok so, turns our one of my cousins came over to my house one day n decided to go snooping around in my room. She was told to do so by my mom,u see my mom is sneaky, she did it so that uf i ever found out she could blame it on her. Uh huh, same shit! Anywho, so they searched my room and found sum letters n notes from my gf. they read them aLL, n might i add that sum of these notes were not aLL innocent! teeheeee ;) well, as we all know famiLy talks shit just as much as the next person so,word got around to my whole family. That wasn't the worse.

Days before the prom i receive a call from one of my aunts. She said get up and change i'm on my way to pick you up. I thought ok, koo we are probably gonna go eat or something. FUK NO. Minutes later she picks me up and to my surprise there was someone else with her in the car. My other aunt. My first thought. Holy shit, they know. Ok got in the car, we drove around the corner, she parked and this was the conversation that followed.

"Mija, do u know why we are here? why we came to talk to u?"
"Um, no. Why?"
Aunt #2 - "Well, wehear somethings and we know it's all true so don't even try to deny it."
"Ok, so if u guys heard what u heard, and u know it's true, as u claim, then y are we here?"
"Because it's wrong, because this isn't u, because u r better than that, u are our neice and we want what's best for u"
Aunt #2 - "Yes, we do, and we want you to be happy. U r beautiful u can be with any guy u want and be happy"
I giggled and shook my head. I couldn't believe this shit. It upset them. LoL.
"well, i am happy. Regardless of who or what im with. Isn't my happiness more important?"
"WHAT? NO! Our family is not ready for this? What would our friends say about us? U want to humilate us and the whole family? Is that what u want?"
Aunt #2 - "Well, is that what u want? This is not happening, and so u know u are not going to prom!" Its been cancelled, consider YOurself being at home all night!"
"WHAT? no, i already have..." i was interrupted before i could finish my sentence.
"You are a totally disgrace to this family"
I couldn't believe what i had just heard. "What? Oh i am, ok then, well this disgrace is leaving. Thanks for a LoveLy chat" U liked my sarcasm huh? Yeah well, inside i was falling apart.
They tried to come after me but i just kept walking and said "NO"

I was ordered back in the car, ok fine, i got in. But, i didnt say a word and neither did they. I knew my aunt felt bad, i think they both did.

They stopped in front of my house, my dog barking and wagging his tail because he was happy to see me, too bad i wasn't.

"Bye mija, we'll..."

The slamming of the car door interrupted my aunts sentence. I didn't look back, i just walked into my house, went straight to my room, put my KORN CD on and thought, this is some bullshit, followed by tears. Eventually i fell asleep.

Things worked out ok, we went to prom afterall, we had a blast and we were together for 6 years! We are still friends til this day.

Stand By for my next blog,who knows what the fuk it will be about! Hope u enjoyed my story.

Bye for now.

<3,

sLax