I wrote this Oct. 1st, 2010...
Deep inside me lies the truth, deep inside me is an abyss that I can’t even reach. It’s not bliss, but if you hear closely you can hear a hissss like a fucking snake ready to attack, sink its teeth into your skin and infect you with my venomous sins and my lies that tie me down and construct my very being. My feelings are suppressed, my pain and anger are all coming to the surface and it’s all a God damn mess, it’s like I’m addicted to this stress but there is nothing I regret I just don’t want to be upset - no more – I need to learn to forget and start to earn respect.
This shit is so fucking hard can’t I just be at ease, for fuck sake please, maybe a little breeze, watch the sun set with a gun in my hand and a beer in another, hey mother… party of 2 just me and u… fuck it, down it why bother to baby-sit it when I feel this is my very last beer, CHEERS to the world! It’s fucking heavy, I can’t hold onto it no more, HELP I yell to GOD as I look up at the sky, I hope you can hear me and forgive me, please just give me the strength, the will and the power to survive this life don’t let me give up and bleed out.
FUCK! I’m on my knees begging please, set me free give me wings to fly away and live at peace because I myself will be the end of me.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Have You Ever...........
Sitting here looking at a blank page......well it was. Listening to some Spanish music. Love music to be exact. Then i thought:
Have you ever felt.................alone? Even though you are surrounded by people who love you and tell you they do... Yeah, plenty of times, and even though they tell you and you know it to be true why does it not seem enough? What's missing?
Have you ever felt sick? Not flu sick but sick to your stomach? Yes. why?
Have you ever felt abandoned? Sure, I do at times. I try not to think about it too much, Ive learned to block that. Is it a gift or a burden? A bit of both I suppose...
Have you ever lost someone you loved? Yes, a couple of people. I ask why. I know the answer to some of the whys but one in particular I wish I had answers to. Fuck.
Have you ever felt not trusted? Haha, rhetorical question? plenty of times actually, but why when I should be trusted I'm not? Maybe, just maybe that's my fault.
Have you ever had a descent conversation with your parents? No. Why can't I speak to my parents? Can you? Honestly. I don't believe Ive had a conversation with my parents about anything that has to do with my personal life. Why is that i wonder, why cant they tell me and why cant I tell them I LOVE YOU? Yet this word is thrown around by millions of people every single day, it is taken for granted and its said when its not meant. I'm guilty of it. Are you?
Have you ever hugged someone so hard you felt their heart beat? Yes, and i wondered if they could feel mine... and if they did what exactly went through their mind? Because mine was full of anger and disgust.
Have you ever hated someone so much you still know you love them? Am i the only one who can answer yes to this question? Hate is such a strong word, I try not to use it and even answering this question, I don't feel as though i hate just really dislike. Despite the hurt, anger, betrayal, anguish, disappointment and sadness I think I still have love. At times however, that love is taken over by anger and despair. By the bad memories you have left me with and the memories I cant even put together no matter how hard I try. I comfort myself and only I know how to block you out, but somehow the thought of YOU alone breaks me, brings me to my knees and weakens me in ways I never thought possible. Sometimes I think of you so hard I forget to breath and for all these things I DISLIKE YOU because YOU are my only weakness.
Have you ever felt like you were crazy? Plenty of times. Crazy over love and crazy over anger and crazy over not knowing why! I went crazy when i looked into your eyes and i saw tears coming down your face and I felt absolutely NOTHING because I didn't know you, because you were never in my life and because at the same time I saw for a moment that you did love me.... just by the way you looked at me and then I suddenly realized I was lying to myself because I, I stupidly wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.
Have you ever loved someone you didn't know? Yes, from the minute I saw you all I loved each one of you and I hated myself for not being in your life, for not being there when YOU needed me for not setting an example and for not telling you I LOVE YOU everyday and MEANING it! I loved you from the moment you held my hand, held on to it all day and looked at me and smiled. From the moment I looked at you and saw myself, and when you wouldn't leave my side... when you wanted to talk to me about everything. And I will NEVER forget when I left you all and saw the sadness in your eyes as if you knew I would never return.... it hurts me deeply because I haven't. I'M SORRY.
This is the result of random thought at random hours......i hope i picked at your brain, I'm leaving now because mine is all picked out....
<3,
sLax
Have you ever felt.................alone? Even though you are surrounded by people who love you and tell you they do... Yeah, plenty of times, and even though they tell you and you know it to be true why does it not seem enough? What's missing?
Have you ever felt sick? Not flu sick but sick to your stomach? Yes. why?
Have you ever felt abandoned? Sure, I do at times. I try not to think about it too much, Ive learned to block that. Is it a gift or a burden? A bit of both I suppose...
Have you ever lost someone you loved? Yes, a couple of people. I ask why. I know the answer to some of the whys but one in particular I wish I had answers to. Fuck.
Have you ever felt not trusted? Haha, rhetorical question? plenty of times actually, but why when I should be trusted I'm not? Maybe, just maybe that's my fault.
Have you ever had a descent conversation with your parents? No. Why can't I speak to my parents? Can you? Honestly. I don't believe Ive had a conversation with my parents about anything that has to do with my personal life. Why is that i wonder, why cant they tell me and why cant I tell them I LOVE YOU? Yet this word is thrown around by millions of people every single day, it is taken for granted and its said when its not meant. I'm guilty of it. Are you?
Have you ever hugged someone so hard you felt their heart beat? Yes, and i wondered if they could feel mine... and if they did what exactly went through their mind? Because mine was full of anger and disgust.
Have you ever hated someone so much you still know you love them? Am i the only one who can answer yes to this question? Hate is such a strong word, I try not to use it and even answering this question, I don't feel as though i hate just really dislike. Despite the hurt, anger, betrayal, anguish, disappointment and sadness I think I still have love. At times however, that love is taken over by anger and despair. By the bad memories you have left me with and the memories I cant even put together no matter how hard I try. I comfort myself and only I know how to block you out, but somehow the thought of YOU alone breaks me, brings me to my knees and weakens me in ways I never thought possible. Sometimes I think of you so hard I forget to breath and for all these things I DISLIKE YOU because YOU are my only weakness.
Have you ever felt like you were crazy? Plenty of times. Crazy over love and crazy over anger and crazy over not knowing why! I went crazy when i looked into your eyes and i saw tears coming down your face and I felt absolutely NOTHING because I didn't know you, because you were never in my life and because at the same time I saw for a moment that you did love me.... just by the way you looked at me and then I suddenly realized I was lying to myself because I, I stupidly wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.
Have you ever loved someone you didn't know? Yes, from the minute I saw you all I loved each one of you and I hated myself for not being in your life, for not being there when YOU needed me for not setting an example and for not telling you I LOVE YOU everyday and MEANING it! I loved you from the moment you held my hand, held on to it all day and looked at me and smiled. From the moment I looked at you and saw myself, and when you wouldn't leave my side... when you wanted to talk to me about everything. And I will NEVER forget when I left you all and saw the sadness in your eyes as if you knew I would never return.... it hurts me deeply because I haven't. I'M SORRY.
This is the result of random thought at random hours......i hope i picked at your brain, I'm leaving now because mine is all picked out....
<3,
sLax
Friday, April 9, 2010
Once a CHEATER ALWAYS a CHEATER!
As i wrote the title to this blog i cant help but laugh. Its just so popular. So, what do u think, once a cheater always a cheater? I beg to differ.....here are my reasons why, please feel free to contradict me, ill enjoy it! ;)
CHEAT is defined by the dictionary as: "to defraud; swindle: 2. to deceive; influence by fraud: 3. to elude; deprive of something expected" AND "a person who acts dishonestly, deceives, or defrauds: [She] /He is a cheat and a liar."
Fair enough right, "you fuking cheater. ur an asshole..." blah blah blah, im sure many of you, including myself; yes ive cheated, i will get to that shortly, have heard this one way or the other. Now if you have never been cheated on kudos to u my friend, send me a pix n ill post it on my blog and let the world know u r 1 in a billion trillion gazillion who have not been cheated on, lol. But, perhaps u didnt know and u never came to find out... so maybe i dont want your pix afterall, haha jk [just kidding].
I believe there are tons of reasons y a person will cheat. In no particular order, except number 1, ahah.
1. TEMPTATION: the #1 on my list this bitch is everywhere. Shes next to me right now but i say "NO!" lol, but seriously, u know what i mean.
2. LUST: defined by the dictionary as "intense sexual desire or appetite 2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness" - now she is temptations wing woman, they go hand in hand, they are buddies and their mission is to get you! ahahah, when someone or something looks appetizing u start to desire it. It can become almost an obsession. When u want some1/thing u cant have, it becomes even MORE desirable...
3. DEMANDING: ok, demads are not pretty. When u start to demand something from ur partner it starts to become annoying and tiring. Ive been thru this and it was a disaster. It was like being in a bubble, restricted and alone. I couldnt do anything, talk to anyone, look at anyone or i'd get slapped, ok not really but u know what i mean. Another x was too demanding od spending time with er, i mean come on. Geez, how can i miss you if im always with u? ugh...Demands should not HAVE to be met they should be done willingly. ASK dont DEMAND!
4. NETWORKS: i think this is a new one, damn u Twitter, FB, MySpace, Friendster, lez.com, Dinah, and who knows what else. A friend of mine told me that they found out their gf/bf was cheating because there was unusual activity on their FB account. EX: pictures, wall to wall posts and DM's [direct messages] No how stupid r u to 1. give ur bf/gf access to ur acct [unless ur not doing anything then ok, n this is where #3 also comes in] 2. post pictures with the "other" person [u get a SLAP for that one] and 3. post wall to wall comments that u KNOW will be seen by everyone especially ur bf/gf. And word of mouth as well, ur bf/gf is for sure to have friends on the acct and gossip travels quikly people. A note of advice to y'all and my friend thats so not worth your time or anyone and its disrespectful which comes to my next point.
5. DISRESPECT: This is a big one. However, i believe there are some boundaries. One of my x's was so anal about disrespect that i couldnt even look at another girl even if i didnt really mean to look in that "daam lemme check u out" kind of way. She automatically assumed that i wanted her or we were talking to ea. other with our eyes, lol seriously? WOW, thats y shes an x. ahahah. I think however, that its ok to talk to a stranger if its in a friendly way. For ex: im outside smoking and a girl asks me "do u have an xtra cig?" ok, sure y not? and then its followed by "thank u" and if shes friendly and doesnt have friends to go back to she might spark up a conversation and thus the chatting begins. Does this mean she wants me? no, or maybe, but if and only if she crosses that line then u tell her "oh thank u but i have a gf"and hand her a CAUTION flyer! WOOT! =D now if ur unhappy, next point...
6. UNHAPPINESS: u tell her here take my number [theres a reason y u dont take hers!] but i wont give out me secrets, lol jk, i will pass on the torch to u ladies. You dont take hers so that if u get a text or a call from an unkown number u have an xcuse as to why and u dont know who it is, u know play dumb. lol. If you are truly unhappy with your current bf/gf then u have only yourself to blame. Why in Gods name are u still there dealing with #1-5? idk, enlighten me please, unless like one of my friends said, and i quote "if you cheat it's because your so over it but dont feel the security to leave the forst person for the other..'safety issues'" i agree, sometimes people cheat as a way"out" if you would of a relationship because they dont have the balls or guts or courage to tell their bf/gf they want it to be over. Ive done it, im guilty, and oddly enough it didnt work. Lol, go figure.
7. THE 80/20 RULE: Idk [i dont know] if most of you have heard about this one. ill break it down for u. You have 80% of a woman at home [wifey gf/bf whatever] meaning she cooks, cleans, does ur laundery, puts ur slippers on, irons ur clothes, makes u lunch for work, dinner EVERYTHING! BUT, 20% is still missing. Maybe sex, hot steamy mind boggling sex, or sex appeal, kinky stuff, attractiveness, u get my drift. Back to #1 and #2 TEMPTATION and LUST. The result: CHEATING! just because that 20% you are missing at home was calling ur name in that tight mini skirt with that tight shirt that was showing her goodies. Lol. The downfall of course is, if you get caught ur gf/bfmight break up with u and so now u have that 20% but she has no clue how to do any of the 80%! My friend said "cheating is ok, unless u get caught" lol.
8. BEING TOO NICE: Ironic isnt it? My gf brought this one to my attention [thank u babe] She said one of her x's ex told her "you're stupid, y would u buy her everything she wants?" Apparently my babe spoiled her ex, and this caused the x to turn her feelings from liking her to taking advantage of her. Thus, the x would just keep taking all the presents but really was just taking advantage of my babe's kindness, lol. Oh well, lesson learned huh? Advice: dont spoil her/him too much it might get a little overwheling and they might take your presents and give them to the person they are cheating on u with. bummer.
9. COMMUNICATION: It has been said that this one is a real important one too. Of course it is, without communication how can u even begin to know what your partner is thinking. Unless of course u have been with them for a while then u know them like the back of your hand or so you think. If there are things that bother you they should be communicated this way u know and understand ea other and are on the same page. None communication can b a factor in cheating and it tends to turn boring, blah.
Last but certainly NOT least...
10. ISSUES: Now this can be a number of things. Child hood stuff up to the present. The lack of a parent, security issues, anything that has to do with who "they" are. Feel me, i cant really elaborate because this one is so diverse and it can literally b anything.
So, these are MY 10 things on y people might cheat. If i missed any important ones let me know. Now, i know u all wanted to know when i cheated etc. Here it goes.
Temptation and Lust along with demands, communications and the 80/20 rule are what lead me to cheating. ahahah, ok no seriously, as ive said temptation and lust are everywhere and unfortunately they came my way. I let my hormones get the best of me, i didnt think with my heart or my head. I got up in the moments, one too many times. I felt bad after the fact, and a cheater will tell u this. Girls ask "dont u think bout it? didnt u think about me? Didnt u think it would hurt me?" Honestly NO, i didnt. Why? because i WAS caught in the moment I WASNT THINKING, ladies please dont waste ur time asking these questions because they are gonna answer what u want to hear "yes but..." the truth of the matter is they werent thinking bout u, they were thinking about getting what they wanted and what was in the moment. I dont beleive people cheat because they trully want to but because it really does just happen [sometimes]. Just because i cheated doesnt mean i didnt LOVE the person i was with and i hate the fact that when your caught or u decide to be truthful about the one question always asked is "why i thought u loved me?" I mean is it a rhetorical question i mean come on!
Another one of myproblems is the fact that i can completely shut off! Like if i had an On n OFF Button. One of my x's told me once "YOU have NO heart! U are cold and dont give a fuk!" i said ok. I knew it, so what? Its a gift but it is also a burden, and thats something i need to learn to control. This is a WHOLE NEW BLOG! lol...
Ive felt love before and i know what it is to love and be loved, i know what it is to feel pain and cause pain and thru my relationships i have learned and grown into the person i believe i am today. Ive changed in many ways ask my bff [hi amor] I can be everything u want me to be but i can also be your worst nightmare! Im a sweet person, im funny [huh vixen? lol, since she said in her last blog that i entertained everyone at skeelos bday dinner] im outgoing and im the shiet! lol, [jk] because that is who i truly am...
I hope u guys enjoyes my blog and ill check u later. Dont forget cLub CAUTION this sat 4.17.10 bak at Marty's 4.17.10 located at 5137 York Blvd LA 90024!
i leave u with this from my friend and i quote "cheating doesnt bring anything good...its never ok to do it no matter what the reason is, BUT it does happen"
<3,
sLax
CHEAT is defined by the dictionary as: "to defraud; swindle: 2. to deceive; influence by fraud: 3. to elude; deprive of something expected" AND "a person who acts dishonestly, deceives, or defrauds: [She] /He is a cheat and a liar."
Fair enough right, "you fuking cheater. ur an asshole..." blah blah blah, im sure many of you, including myself; yes ive cheated, i will get to that shortly, have heard this one way or the other. Now if you have never been cheated on kudos to u my friend, send me a pix n ill post it on my blog and let the world know u r 1 in a billion trillion gazillion who have not been cheated on, lol. But, perhaps u didnt know and u never came to find out... so maybe i dont want your pix afterall, haha jk [just kidding].
I believe there are tons of reasons y a person will cheat. In no particular order, except number 1, ahah.
1. TEMPTATION: the #1 on my list this bitch is everywhere. Shes next to me right now but i say "NO!" lol, but seriously, u know what i mean.
2. LUST: defined by the dictionary as "intense sexual desire or appetite 2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness" - now she is temptations wing woman, they go hand in hand, they are buddies and their mission is to get you! ahahah, when someone or something looks appetizing u start to desire it. It can become almost an obsession. When u want some1/thing u cant have, it becomes even MORE desirable...
3. DEMANDING: ok, demads are not pretty. When u start to demand something from ur partner it starts to become annoying and tiring. Ive been thru this and it was a disaster. It was like being in a bubble, restricted and alone. I couldnt do anything, talk to anyone, look at anyone or i'd get slapped, ok not really but u know what i mean. Another x was too demanding od spending time with er, i mean come on. Geez, how can i miss you if im always with u? ugh...Demands should not HAVE to be met they should be done willingly. ASK dont DEMAND!
4. NETWORKS: i think this is a new one, damn u Twitter, FB, MySpace, Friendster, lez.com, Dinah, and who knows what else. A friend of mine told me that they found out their gf/bf was cheating because there was unusual activity on their FB account. EX: pictures, wall to wall posts and DM's [direct messages] No how stupid r u to 1. give ur bf/gf access to ur acct [unless ur not doing anything then ok, n this is where #3 also comes in] 2. post pictures with the "other" person [u get a SLAP for that one] and 3. post wall to wall comments that u KNOW will be seen by everyone especially ur bf/gf. And word of mouth as well, ur bf/gf is for sure to have friends on the acct and gossip travels quikly people. A note of advice to y'all and my friend thats so not worth your time or anyone and its disrespectful which comes to my next point.
5. DISRESPECT: This is a big one. However, i believe there are some boundaries. One of my x's was so anal about disrespect that i couldnt even look at another girl even if i didnt really mean to look in that "daam lemme check u out" kind of way. She automatically assumed that i wanted her or we were talking to ea. other with our eyes, lol seriously? WOW, thats y shes an x. ahahah. I think however, that its ok to talk to a stranger if its in a friendly way. For ex: im outside smoking and a girl asks me "do u have an xtra cig?" ok, sure y not? and then its followed by "thank u" and if shes friendly and doesnt have friends to go back to she might spark up a conversation and thus the chatting begins. Does this mean she wants me? no, or maybe, but if and only if she crosses that line then u tell her "oh thank u but i have a gf"and hand her a CAUTION flyer! WOOT! =D now if ur unhappy, next point...
6. UNHAPPINESS: u tell her here take my number [theres a reason y u dont take hers!] but i wont give out me secrets, lol jk, i will pass on the torch to u ladies. You dont take hers so that if u get a text or a call from an unkown number u have an xcuse as to why and u dont know who it is, u know play dumb. lol. If you are truly unhappy with your current bf/gf then u have only yourself to blame. Why in Gods name are u still there dealing with #1-5? idk, enlighten me please, unless like one of my friends said, and i quote "if you cheat it's because your so over it but dont feel the security to leave the forst person for the other..'safety issues'" i agree, sometimes people cheat as a way"out" if you would of a relationship because they dont have the balls or guts or courage to tell their bf/gf they want it to be over. Ive done it, im guilty, and oddly enough it didnt work. Lol, go figure.
7. THE 80/20 RULE: Idk [i dont know] if most of you have heard about this one. ill break it down for u. You have 80% of a woman at home [wifey gf/bf whatever] meaning she cooks, cleans, does ur laundery, puts ur slippers on, irons ur clothes, makes u lunch for work, dinner EVERYTHING! BUT, 20% is still missing. Maybe sex, hot steamy mind boggling sex, or sex appeal, kinky stuff, attractiveness, u get my drift. Back to #1 and #2 TEMPTATION and LUST. The result: CHEATING! just because that 20% you are missing at home was calling ur name in that tight mini skirt with that tight shirt that was showing her goodies. Lol. The downfall of course is, if you get caught ur gf/bfmight break up with u and so now u have that 20% but she has no clue how to do any of the 80%! My friend said "cheating is ok, unless u get caught" lol.
8. BEING TOO NICE: Ironic isnt it? My gf brought this one to my attention [thank u babe] She said one of her x's ex told her "you're stupid, y would u buy her everything she wants?" Apparently my babe spoiled her ex, and this caused the x to turn her feelings from liking her to taking advantage of her. Thus, the x would just keep taking all the presents but really was just taking advantage of my babe's kindness, lol. Oh well, lesson learned huh? Advice: dont spoil her/him too much it might get a little overwheling and they might take your presents and give them to the person they are cheating on u with. bummer.
9. COMMUNICATION: It has been said that this one is a real important one too. Of course it is, without communication how can u even begin to know what your partner is thinking. Unless of course u have been with them for a while then u know them like the back of your hand or so you think. If there are things that bother you they should be communicated this way u know and understand ea other and are on the same page. None communication can b a factor in cheating and it tends to turn boring, blah.
Last but certainly NOT least...
10. ISSUES: Now this can be a number of things. Child hood stuff up to the present. The lack of a parent, security issues, anything that has to do with who "they" are. Feel me, i cant really elaborate because this one is so diverse and it can literally b anything.
So, these are MY 10 things on y people might cheat. If i missed any important ones let me know. Now, i know u all wanted to know when i cheated etc. Here it goes.
Temptation and Lust along with demands, communications and the 80/20 rule are what lead me to cheating. ahahah, ok no seriously, as ive said temptation and lust are everywhere and unfortunately they came my way. I let my hormones get the best of me, i didnt think with my heart or my head. I got up in the moments, one too many times. I felt bad after the fact, and a cheater will tell u this. Girls ask "dont u think bout it? didnt u think about me? Didnt u think it would hurt me?" Honestly NO, i didnt. Why? because i WAS caught in the moment I WASNT THINKING, ladies please dont waste ur time asking these questions because they are gonna answer what u want to hear "yes but..." the truth of the matter is they werent thinking bout u, they were thinking about getting what they wanted and what was in the moment. I dont beleive people cheat because they trully want to but because it really does just happen [sometimes]. Just because i cheated doesnt mean i didnt LOVE the person i was with and i hate the fact that when your caught or u decide to be truthful about the one question always asked is "why i thought u loved me?" I mean is it a rhetorical question i mean come on!
Another one of myproblems is the fact that i can completely shut off! Like if i had an On n OFF Button. One of my x's told me once "YOU have NO heart! U are cold and dont give a fuk!" i said ok. I knew it, so what? Its a gift but it is also a burden, and thats something i need to learn to control. This is a WHOLE NEW BLOG! lol...
Ive felt love before and i know what it is to love and be loved, i know what it is to feel pain and cause pain and thru my relationships i have learned and grown into the person i believe i am today. Ive changed in many ways ask my bff [hi amor] I can be everything u want me to be but i can also be your worst nightmare! Im a sweet person, im funny [huh vixen? lol, since she said in her last blog that i entertained everyone at skeelos bday dinner] im outgoing and im the shiet! lol, [jk] because that is who i truly am...
I hope u guys enjoyes my blog and ill check u later. Dont forget cLub CAUTION this sat 4.17.10 bak at Marty's 4.17.10 located at 5137 York Blvd LA 90024!
i leave u with this from my friend and i quote "cheating doesnt bring anything good...its never ok to do it no matter what the reason is, BUT it does happen"
<3,
sLax
Saturday, March 13, 2010
CAUTION! drink responsibLy
Hello aLL. its been a good minute since ive posted a blog. Ive been busy, the cLub, which by the way i dont think ive mentioned, well i host/promote/co-own [cLub] CAUTION (and i am part of Intense Productions, which produces CAUTION) as u can see over to the right of my profiLe there is a fan widget, feeL free and cLick on it and become a fan! =)
So, Lets go back in time. I had asked my mom to make me some pozole for my bday, as i do every year! This was on Saturday 2/13 and so i invited my famiLy over to my house, my aunts came and sum of my cuzns. And of course my bff's. After my famiLy left it was time to bring it up a notch! We made some calls and everyone came over and we continued the party with sum Beer Pong and Flip a Cup. Sooooo fun!
So, Lets go back in time. I had asked my mom to make me some pozole for my bday, as i do every year! This was on Saturday 2/13 and so i invited my famiLy over to my house, my aunts came and sum of my cuzns. And of course my bff's. After my famiLy left it was time to bring it up a notch! We made some calls and everyone came over and we continued the party with sum Beer Pong and Flip a Cup. Sooooo fun!
we Lost! But we aLL had a great time!
Then Sunday was Vday, so i got my babe sum stuff. And then dinner at Wood Ranch and her other present. It was a necklace with her favorite charm. A key with a heart! =D
My bday was 2/16 it was a tues and my babe pLanned surprise bday dinner for me, but it faiLed cuz wheN we waLked into the restauraNt i saw 2 of our friendS at the bar. They tried to hide but i was Like oh its p and shaN, LoL then i knew thaT every1 eLse was probabLy there! bUt either way, it was a great dinner. Thanks every1. And thanks babe for makin it possibLe ur the BEST! =)
Then THE BIG DAY CAME! Saturday 2/20/10 the night of [cLub] CAUTION! My bday ceLebration didnt end! I was ALso going to celebrate my bday at the cLub, i was GONE! i was acting CrrrrrAzy, IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT........xcepT i cant remember much of it. I had drinks coming to me from friends aLmost the whoLE night, thnx guys! and i was acting pimp aLL night with the money...LMFAO! omg, so funny n shamefuL..... =/
Everything was great and dandy, untiL about 1245am. I walked over to the front door to check on the peopLe who were stiLL coming in, and i dont know what happened, but i feLL and a bottLE of CORONA broke! The gLass went fLying everywhere, and it unfortunateLy cut my foot! BAD! I hadnt reaLized it, I wasnt in pain or anything, I just thought "oh shit, my draUnk ass feLL...hahahah" People heLped me up and one of my friends feLt her hands wet, she thought it was beer but when she Looked at her hands under the Light she saw bLood! I was actually on my way back to the dance fLoor, hahaha, when she stopped me and toLD kurLs "shes bLeeding!!"
They sat me down and inspected me and the cut was on my left foot right between my big toe and my heeL. There was so much bLood everywhere! puddLes and traiLs. My friend was covered in my bLood. Then to make things worse, the Police got caLLed. Not just one cop car but 6 Plus 2 heLLicopters, SWAT, The Army and The Air FOrce.....ok, im kidding but the hellicopters did come thru. Im sure they thought the worst since there was bLood everywhere. So, my friends rushed me to the car and took me to the ER, and on the way there i was throwing up Like there was no tomorrow! (Which btw, sorry to my bFf sandy, cuz my throW up was ALL OVER her caR! i owe hEr!) but apparentLy i was being a drunk, hahha and i refused to get treated at the ER by the doctor so they said if she refuses we cant treat her. Ok, but wait, the only reason i was refusing was becuase i had just Lost my insurance therfore, i did not want to be stuck with a big ass biLL. I thought the cut wasnt bad i didnt feel anything, but i was drunk so....pweezy and kurLs were sLApping me at the ER, i know right, i had a cut foot and a swoLLen face, hahah. We left the ER and they kept me in the car whiLe the cLub ended.
Hours LAter, i started to feeL the pain! FinaLLy we got to my friends house and they cLeaned my cut. I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER!!! Dont reaLLy cLearLy remember but i do remember some pain! The next day, 2/21 Sunday, I was dying. Had a bad hangover, i was throwing up and i couldnt walk! Finally my babe and i went home, i couldnt stand the pain anymore so i caLLed my insurance to see what was up and turns out it was stiLL active!! LOL, i know right, so we went to the ER and it was AWEFUL!
Here is my bLoody cut foot! hahha i couldnt walk for a week and i had to wear a boot to reLEase the pressure when i waLked.
WHAT A GREAT BDAY WEEKEND!!!!! Cant wait tiL next year!
bye for now,
sLax
Monday, February 8, 2010
WouLd u Like a drink?
IM BACK! i been MIA for a min, sorry bout that. SO much going on. I was lost with in myself, in my head, in my sould, body and heart. I got drunken alone at home, now that is bad seeing as how i used to be an alcoholic. Seriously.
I used to drink everyday aLL day. I had an ex who got me into drinking, A LOT! i mean, i used to drink but not as much as i did when i was with her. Then we broke up and weLL, i kept drinking. I never really knew i was an alcoholic, not even when i was making beer runs to the store. Watching TV in my room as i popped open CORONA after corona, all whiLe my parents, brother in sister were onLy rooms away.
I realized how bad it was when i was driving home drunk (one of many nights) and woke up in my clothes the next day with my shirt half off, in my jeans, and only one shoe on. But, yes but, perhaps that's not the worst. One of my many drunken nights i woke up in front of a cLub in my car and my friend in the passenger seat! YUP! True Story!! nasty, i know.
The icing on the cake however, and the number one reason was my DUI. i got it back in 2006 a week right before my bday, so right around this time since my bday is 2/16. I was 4am and i was on my way home from dropping off my friend at home. He insisted i chiLL with him for a min b4 i left. But i was soo tired i just wanted to get home. He asked me again if i was ok and i just said ya, im koo. And so i left, i hopped onto the 710 and was on my merry way. Next thing i know i see blue and red lights in my rear view mirror. At that point i thought "fcuk!" From there it was aLL down hiLL. I was arrested, and my aLcohoL LeveL was .18, doubLe the Limit. I was taken over to county n spent 22 hours there! it was NOT PRETTY!
When aLL the mess was over i had a $1200 fine, AA cLAsses as weLL as a restricted Lic. But in the end, i learned my lesson, sadLy this had to happen. My advice to you ALL is aLways have a designated driver or take a cab. We think "it wont happen to me" i know i always thought, but the reality of it is IT CAN n IT WILL! i know That was the most awful experience i have ever came across. I am so greatful n blessed that i was not hurt and that i did not hurt anyone.
Thanks for "listening" untiL our next visit. Bye for now.
ps - dont forget cLub CAUTION on Feb. 20th ceLebrating my bday. Visit www.myspace.com/cLub_CAUTION for aLL info.
<3,
sLax
I used to drink everyday aLL day. I had an ex who got me into drinking, A LOT! i mean, i used to drink but not as much as i did when i was with her. Then we broke up and weLL, i kept drinking. I never really knew i was an alcoholic, not even when i was making beer runs to the store. Watching TV in my room as i popped open CORONA after corona, all whiLe my parents, brother in sister were onLy rooms away.
I realized how bad it was when i was driving home drunk (one of many nights) and woke up in my clothes the next day with my shirt half off, in my jeans, and only one shoe on. But, yes but, perhaps that's not the worst. One of my many drunken nights i woke up in front of a cLub in my car and my friend in the passenger seat! YUP! True Story!! nasty, i know.
The icing on the cake however, and the number one reason was my DUI. i got it back in 2006 a week right before my bday, so right around this time since my bday is 2/16. I was 4am and i was on my way home from dropping off my friend at home. He insisted i chiLL with him for a min b4 i left. But i was soo tired i just wanted to get home. He asked me again if i was ok and i just said ya, im koo. And so i left, i hopped onto the 710 and was on my merry way. Next thing i know i see blue and red lights in my rear view mirror. At that point i thought "fcuk!" From there it was aLL down hiLL. I was arrested, and my aLcohoL LeveL was .18, doubLe the Limit. I was taken over to county n spent 22 hours there! it was NOT PRETTY!
When aLL the mess was over i had a $1200 fine, AA cLAsses as weLL as a restricted Lic. But in the end, i learned my lesson, sadLy this had to happen. My advice to you ALL is aLways have a designated driver or take a cab. We think "it wont happen to me" i know i always thought, but the reality of it is IT CAN n IT WILL! i know That was the most awful experience i have ever came across. I am so greatful n blessed that i was not hurt and that i did not hurt anyone.
Thanks for "listening" untiL our next visit. Bye for now.
ps - dont forget cLub CAUTION on Feb. 20th ceLebrating my bday. Visit www.myspace.com/cLub_CAUTION for aLL info.
<3,
sLax
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