It has been a while since I have blogged, since November 2010 I think. Wow, so much going on, well life really and we all know how that is, and just in case you were wondering, had an awesome holiday season with friends and family. My awesome bday in Feb thanks to everyone for coming to all my bday celebrations lol. Friends bday in March, hi buddy, my mom, sister, 2 aunts n 1 cousins bdays in April. I know right n so on… But, here I am fresh as a muhfuckah! Hahaha…….so today’s blog is about Aquarius’ I came across a quote or statement rather that caught my attention as it did to some of my fellow Aquarius’. It reads
Sometimes it’s hard for an Aquarius to get too close to someone
As they feel and fear the other person might be gone.
[[Via www.twitter.com/AboutAquarius]]
Now if you happen to know an Aquarius you know how we are. You might not know how we feel, but you know a little about our tempers and our cold, stone cold I should say hearts, well some of us at least. Don’t quote me on that. You see, it’s not that we want to be mean, it’s that it is the only defense mechanism we have and probably the only one we know. Don’t take it personal, at least not on my part, I can only imagine what you think or go through with your Aquarius partner. I am simply stating my own thoughts based on my experiences.
For me, allowing someone to get close takes a lot. No not a drink n dinner, it takes more than that. You want get to know me, make the time make an effort to SHOW me it’s ok for me to let you in, to allow you to see who I really am. Yes, I’m funny and charming and cute [hahah ok scratch that] never mind don’t, cute! Lol, but there are certain things I keep to myself because if I didn’t what would I have? Don’t get me wrong there are people who know how I truly feel about a lot of things, what frightens me, what gets to me and who gets to me, the reasons for my emotional rollercoaster sometimes, which I always want to get off of too but cant, and other things. I can honestly say that only a handful of people know what’s locked up away inside me. They know who they are, and they should feel special for knowing. Those people, those are the ones I know I can’t trust and I know I can talk with about anything.
Now do you see the reason why we Aquarius’s are so careful and protective of our feelings? No? Ok, let me try and break it down for you. How do I know, really know I can trust you with my deepest darkest secrets? I don’t, so first you have to prove to me that I can trust you. I don’t know why, it’s just the way it is ok. A lot of people don’t get us, for the simple fact that as my friend Jess says “we are just bitches who don’t give a fuck!” preach on Jess. Lol. Sad but true. For me there are many reasons I hold back on true feelings with people, they way I see it I got to hurt you before you hurt me, and believe me when I say to hurt me it takes a whole lot and sometimes I will hurt you back 10 times worse. In the mix of it all I have to let you go before you let me go because that would be something I couldn’t handle. Almost as if I wouldn’t know how to deal with the emptiness, not within me but around me. Weird? Yeah…
As an Aquarius, you want to give and receive love,
But don’t know how to make space for others.
[[VIA www.twitter.com/ZodiacFacts]]
Jess sent me that quote, and I asked her opinion as a fellow Aquarius and she replied with this:
Aquarius women are just screwed J we want our freedom but want someone to take care of us. We want to be independent but still need someone there. We love to fuck bitches but making love is too difficult sometimes. It requires too much emotions and giving too much of ourselves to our partner. Is it fear? Not sure. I think we put our hearts in a tiny little box with lots and lots of locks, don’t want anyone getting near it!!! But at the same time we wish someone would try. We love the idea of love but are too emotionally detached from the world to allow love in a lot of times. Love requires us to be a little vulnerable and we don’t like that [I agree with this]. Deep down inside we are sensitive motherfuckers but we do whatever is in our power to live our lives as if we are not [yup!] We know being detached is so unhealthy but it’s easy. We hurt people who love us unconditionally because we don’t want to get hurt first. We do the hurting, period. Relationships are difficult for us for all these reasons. We either cheat on our partners a lot or stay single and fuck a lot. It’s just that way. But let me tell you one thing… when we love, it’s like lightning struck us. We become those dumb vulnerable girls we hate but it feels so damn good we can’t control it. Learning to love is hard for us but once we really feel true love, we grow a little. Become a better person to our partner and kind of mature in general. Allowing ourselves to love opens so many doors within ourselves, it makes us realize we wouldn’t trade love for anything. We realize that love and pain go hand in hand. Love requires work, a lot of it. But real love is worth it. So, is it fear?!? Nah, we’re just bitches who don’t give a fuck until the right person comes along. –Jess
Thanks Jess for sending me your input. Like I told Jess I believe my heart is still pretty cold at times and for some reason it is not yet completely healed as much as I want it to be, I don’t think I allow it to be. And as soon as I feel I have opened up to someone and slowly start to let my guard down something stupid happens and I just build that guard right back up 10 times stronger. I know the hurt and pain along with all the bad memories will always be there it’s the scar that keeps reminding me that no matter how hard I try it will never heal. That’s just me; time heals all it’s the healing process I hate!! I have survived this long so I know I can survive even longer. Besides, I’ve grown a lot since, well back in the day haha. My solution is, as Jess said learning to control my thoughts. That is all. Let’s see how that goes huh?
It is said that Aquarius can be shy, sensitive, gentle and patient or enthusiastic and lively with a tendency to be exhibitionist. You are interesting and attractive [VIA GOOGLE] that’s a given huh? Haha. Under likes it reads: Fame, Themselves [lol] privacy, dreams, magic, change, eccentricity, surprises [I do kind of] living with their means. Under dislikes it reads: Emotion, intimacy, Show-offs, taken for granted [yes!], Being ‘pinned down’ [hahha], violence and senseless extravagance [VIA GOOGLE]
Look, this is simply my opinion and my thoughts constructed and written down. It is all twisted and fucked up as we all are. We all have issues and things we deal with in our own ways, I just happen to be a dick about it, oh well u can swallow!!
Write you all soon. Any questions? Ask! Bye for now
<3,
sLax
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